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Thursday, June 4, 2015

Methinks there is something in the water

There was something in the water in our house on Kiowa Ave.
It was like the fertility goddesses' sacred pool spewed from our kitchen sink.

It began with Harry, our giant desert hairy scorpion.

This little nasty wandered into our campsite in Palm Canyon when we were with our couple friends, Mason and Keara. I may have lost my mind amidst blood curdling screams (they were more like squawks) as Jon tried to catch this thing in a water bottle. Harry is about 6 inches long and HUGE. These pictures really don't do her justice.

Jon was going to take Harry home, freeze her, and turn her into a desk ornament in resin. However, due to the fact that I am borderline mentally unhinged, I felt bad for such a beautiful specimen of a scorpion to be brutally murdered. I did what any sane, bug-fearing wife would do- I let Jon keep her as a pet.

Surprisingly, desert hairy scorpions make GREAT pets. You can find the tutorial on how to set up a tank here. I'm actually really fond of Harry (disclaimer: I'm fond of Harry if she is in her glass enclosure with a lid on it). 

How do we know that Harry is a girl?
Well, Harry is pregnant.

We began to notice startling amount of weight gain in our scorpion. In fact, she looked like a sausage with legs.

This was Harry in her "first trimester."

This is Harry's current condition.

You can see why we were alarmed. 
We actually took her to the Phoenix reptile expo with us in November (yes, that is how backed up my blog is.....) and had an arachnologist confirm that she is pregnant. He even showed us where we could see the embryos. 

Apparently, when Jon caught Harry, she was returning home from what can only be referred to as "a good time." We had Harry for several months before she began to look pregnant. Apparently, per the arachnologist, it is not uncommon for scorpions to have a gestation of 9 to 14 months. They can also put their pregnancy on stasis meaning that if she feels like the environment is not optimal, she can pause her pregnancy and delay giving birth. 

At this current point in time, we have not had baby scorpions yet. But we did have other babies.

Find out in my next post what kind of baby we are talking; me or the dog?
(spoiler: It was both)

Like I said, don't drink the water.


Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Hello, again

It is pretty obvious I have commitment issues. It smacks you across the face when you come to my blog. A post here, a post there- some semblance of semi-regular postings. Then, POOF. I'm off on a 9 month writing sabbatical. 
I like to make choices on the fly and swing life by the seat of my pants.
It's absolutely terrifying.
I'm not necessarily an adrenaline junkie; I just have a hard time getting my act together, which results in rapid fire decision making out of necessity. 
So I slap a new label on it and pretend it's intentional. 

I'm a procrastinating, unbonded, unorganized, anxietal mess  free spirit.

It's all about rebranding these days.

Anyways, it's time I caught you up on life.

I decided my brand was too boring. I needed something more- perhaps alternative?

So I got a snake.

Her name is Tang and she is delightful.
She is an albino Tangerine Honduran Milksnake.

I actually knew nothing about snakes, and I really wasn't planning on getting one.

Jon and I went to the Phoenix Reptile Convention "just to look."
Funny how that goes, eh?
We were perhaps the most conservative people there, hopelessly trying to blend in.
It was quite apparent that I was a total Noob. 

Most people don't understand why I would want a snake. I actually really appreciate how beautiful they are. I just have a deep seated respect for them. I'm fully aware that Tang cannot love me; but I really just expect her to tolerate me- so we currently have a great relationship.

The awesome thing about reptiles is that they are more of an interactive display. I don't know what I would do if snakes were as needy as my dogs; it would be exhausting. I've secretly wanted a snake for about 9 years. Jon was sweet enough to indulge childhood wishes. My main concern was that the novelty would wear off and I would still need to take care of this creature that would live for 15 years; however, I'm still totally enamored by Tang. 

Thanks for indulging my weirdness, Jon.


Thursday, September 11, 2014

Where the Wild Things Are.

Do you know how hard it is to come up with a title to describe essentially the same thing you've already discussed in like.... 80% of your blog?

"Look! It's me and my dogs in the Wilderness...... again."

"Camping/Cabin Stuffs."


What I am basically trying to say is that I will try to be better about writing more things than just those that are related to Northern Arizona.

That being said,
check out our latest venture to the Payson area.

Check out this tongue action. This is seriously my favorite picture of Bronx all time.

Dogs have magnificent tongues. There is this part of me that is really impressed, but that is mostly drowned out by the part of me that is a pathogen freak and doesn't like saliva.


The thing I like the most about getting out of the city is the view of the heavens once the sky is no longer tinged with light pollution. Jordan with J&L Photo is actually the one who took this shot when he was giving me some insight into astrophotography- so I want to give him a quick shout out for being awesome. Also, his wife, the ever so lovely Leslie is a phenomenal photographer. I am truly jealous of their skills.

We went berry picking to make cobbler. (why else would you face the barbs?)

There were many casualties. I had never picked berries before so Jon managed to convince me to go into the thick of the briers. Dessert was never so sweet, nor painful.

Jon had grown this magnificent beard for the trip. He has truly earned the name "Husbeast."

Okay. this girl. I have a hard core crush on her. I really admire entrepreneurialism. She started her company called Londy Locks that originally had headbands, but she is moving on to her dream of custom leather accessories. I'm a big fan. I'm such a big fan, I snapped a few shots and I am sharing them with you.

Someone please buy me all the things.

You probably need this, too.

Check out those big blues.

This little girl had all the men wrapped around her little fingers. It was hilarious.

Leslie looks so regal with her mancub. I have to admit, both babies are  ridiculously attractive.
I'm really crossing my fingers that my offspring don't look like the stepsisters in Cinderella.


QUICK HAIR UPDATE: Check out my golden locks. I am finally getting back to Rapunzel status. Should I chop it off? thoughts?

So I was just sitting there, in the grass, minding my own business.... and I see THIS.
My heart literally melted.

Leslie. stop. You are in the wilderness, covered in bug bites, stop making it look glamorous. GEEZ.

I practiced important skills, such as flower crowns. This is going to come in handy when I'm applying for my next job.


Here is my favorite pregger. I can't even handle her immaculate eyebrows. You know, when you don't have eyebrows, its really something you admire.


(at this point, I'm not really sure what to say in the captions anymore)






Goodness, this was a hard post to finish. I'm entirely out of things to say. I promise the next blog will be an entirely new idea. This Labor Day was fantastic. Good food, friends, and memories. Berry picking, hiking, an icy plunge in the Blue Hole (to be featured at a later date), more frisbee with the Dogs than all previous trips to the park combined, babies for days, stars, smores, fire, and laughter. A very special thanks to the Odoms for hosting us!


Monday, August 25, 2014

The Adult Vortex

*Flashback Retro Blog Post From December*

 I got sucked into a vortex of adulthood.
In case you have been wondering where I was recently, I was probably adulting somewhere.
Wearing pants. Making phone calls. Responding to emails. Working like a boss.
Who does that?? who wears pants that long?  Pants are a yoke of bondage in these modern times.

The worst part is that I can't even hashtag my true desired responses in said emails. #bitchplease

Apparently sweatpants are NOT part of what is considered appropriate adult wear. #mybad 
I'm going to write an adult survival guide for you. My first bit of advice is for the ladies; invest in maxi skirts- the socially acceptable non-pant pajama. 

So I've been gone. Lost in the world of adulthood. 
It has been really awesome except for the fact that I cannot stand to look at a computer screen or phone when I come home. 

This means I have 10,000 unanswered emails.
46 untouched text messages.
annnnnndddddddddddd..... my voicemail box has been full for a month.
But I am alive!

I will maybe answer your emails/text in another month... but the point is that I am getting there. (<-- this is a lie, we both know I will probably never respond)

I just honestly can't handle technology when I come home. I go all caveman and have to detox from anything that has a screen or talks. 
I'm on the phone all day, staring into my dual monitor set up in a cubical so by the time I come home, I have rabies symptoms if I get a text. 

If you need to reach me, I suggest carrier pigeons or smoke signals. 

However, I realized just how therapeutic writing is for me. I missed connecting on a blog so I am going to try to babystep back into using some technology at home.

Lately, as I thought of myself in my new adult role (as in, post-college/actively pursing career adulthood), I thought of the obsession we have with perfection.

Why do we try so hard to be something we are not?
Why do we seek acceptance with a facade?
What is wrong with loving what we have, who we are, what we look like?

Facebook posts make people sound like they have never known defeat in their life.
Instagram shows the world people are living like kings.
Blogs are carefully typed to portray one aspect of life that is generally positive.

If you are reading this, I want you to know you are awesome. You don't need to have all your sh*t together- you are a work in progress. You are worth being loved. Everything you read or see on social media is either a lie, or is skewed.

LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL TREE. #Dillardscomeatmebrah

My picture screams: Great decorating style, Christmas Enthusiast, an individual who is put together, skillz with the camera, artsy, probably has a perfect relationship (this part is actually true #GoMe), the list is endless.

When you zoom out of the same picture, the emotional connotations change. The picture now says:

messy, disorganized, clutter, attempt at interior design, probably runs to hide when people ring the doorbell.

The Tree did not change, but your perspective did. My tree is beautiful; but now you see that there are things I need to work on . Don't look at people's multiple filtered, instagramed lives and feel less than.

Remember that even the greatest sculptures began as misshapen balls of clay.


Sunday, August 24, 2014

Disneyland for Dogs

Jon heard the call of the Wild; I heard the sound of a creme soda opening.
Regardless of what we heard, we both knew it was time for a weekend mountain getaway.

I tried to tell the dogs that we were going to dog disneyland (aka: Big Lake, Arizona); but Bronx is a lumbering idiot and Kali only has word recognition for "fetch," "ball," and "goose." I tried to get her amped up by repeating the word "fetch" like 15 times, but she was soon disappointed as we drove past the dog park and on to the highway. She felt that I had somehow tricked her into a 3 and a half hour drive. Its not my fault your cerebral cortex is not as developed as mine, Kali.

Seriously, how precious is this?
Husbeast with the furbaby.

Pasta salad, a cold creme soda (aka: Nectar of the gods), Taylor Swift, and two Mutts. 
The only thing that would have made this trip better is if I won the lottery.

The scenery on the way up was absolutely beautiful. 
We left early in the morning as opposed to the evening so it was the first time I had actually seen the landscape.

Arizona, you're alright.

Of course it started to rain on the way up.
I, in my infinite wisdom, had NOT checked the weather report prior to packing. 
I just looked at the clouds and KNEW it was going to rain the ENTIRE time we were there.
and I only had one measly sweatjacket.

So we finally get to our campground in Camp Rainbow and its freezing. It was about 50 degrees and its still raining. Jon pulled out some serious husbeast moves to pitch this tent in the rain. Take a peek into that tent. That is a REAL PILLOWTOP MATTRESS, folks. You can keep that inflatable crap.


The next morning went a little like this:

Wake up. Photograph weird tree mushroom. Think of childhood cartoon FernGully.

Just kidding.
But that is one marvelous tree fungus.

Our campsite was secluded in the back with no one behind us so we went straight out into the unknown on a nature hike.

Let me tell you, plastic rain ponchos are the best things that have ever been invented.

We found this meadow and you could see where the elk had laid down the night before, which was totally awesome.

There was dew on the charred skeletons of trees that made the outskirts look jeweled in the early hour light.

Flowers were blooming and I felt like I had stepped into Narnia.
I was about ready to tell Jon that I was looking into a career change and decided that I would make an excellent forest nymph.


I would love to build a tiny house and live up in the mountains.
I'll follow in Henry David Thoreau's footsteps.

I told Jon that building a tinyhouse is a good idea and the dogs agree with me...
So technically, it's 3 against 1.

I seriously love how much Kali loves Jon.
It just makes me laugh.
Can you even handle the cuteness in this photo?

I am about to warn you.
I don't have a lot going on in my life;
so I am either going to drone on and on about office life, or my dogs.

Just be grateful it's the dogs.

I tried bank fishing for the first time.

This was my view from the office.

Look at how big Bronx is!
You can't even tell he is still a puppy.
He is the one on the right with the stupid ear.
We call it a lazy ear.

I think I am getting better at this whole photography thing.
I captured this pretty artsy leaf.
I'm a big fan of Aspen trees.

Pups went on their first voluntary swim.

Apparently, Jon hucking them into a stream doesn't count.

Jon is apparently a crawdad catching master.


 They are kind of terrifying. We caught almost 20 of these little lake lobsters.

I'm getting good at this camping thing.

After a lifetime of fishing, Jon finally caught his first rainbow trout bank fishing;
Mainly because bank fishing is kind of boring and Jon could never sit still long enough until he had a sedentary wife.

The views were so spectacular. It was unreal.

It was basically like I was in Ireland, except for the part where I wasn't.

Here is the best thing about camping at Big Lake, there is pluming.
As in, you get to use a REAL flush toilet and you have access to wash thine bad self.
You pay the hillbilly man 5 bucks and you get a decently warm shower.
Seriously though, the man was full blown hillbilly.
Until I met this man, I could only dream of what backwoods actually meant.

Look at how precious my dogs are.

Bronx is such a stud.

A 9 month old, shoe-eating, burly, man-dog, border collie mutt stud.

I don't really need shoes, anyway.

 Going to Big Lake is like participating in all things American, with Arizona pride.
When you go to Big Lake, you basically become a demigod.

.... or maybe just a fisherman.
It's pretty easy to get the two confused.

I'd like you all to know that I did catch a fish.
Check out my first rainbow trout.
I'd like to point out that I did catch him all by myself, from baiting my line, to casting, to reeling, to banking. 
There were minimal tantrums involved.

If Jon says otherwise, he is a dirty cheat and a scoundrel.