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Monday, August 25, 2014

The Adult Vortex

*Flashback Retro Blog Post From December*

 I got sucked into a vortex of adulthood.
In case you have been wondering where I was recently, I was probably adulting somewhere.
Wearing pants. Making phone calls. Responding to emails. Working like a boss.
Who does that?? who wears pants that long?  Pants are a yoke of bondage in these modern times.

The worst part is that I can't even hashtag my true desired responses in said emails. #bitchplease

Apparently sweatpants are NOT part of what is considered appropriate adult wear. #mybad 
I'm going to write an adult survival guide for you. My first bit of advice is for the ladies; invest in maxi skirts- the socially acceptable non-pant pajama. 

So I've been gone. Lost in the world of adulthood. 
It has been really awesome except for the fact that I cannot stand to look at a computer screen or phone when I come home. 

This means I have 10,000 unanswered emails.
46 untouched text messages.
annnnnndddddddddddd..... my voicemail box has been full for a month.
But I am alive!

I will maybe answer your emails/text in another month... but the point is that I am getting there. (<-- this is a lie, we both know I will probably never respond)

I just honestly can't handle technology when I come home. I go all caveman and have to detox from anything that has a screen or talks. 
I'm on the phone all day, staring into my dual monitor set up in a cubical so by the time I come home, I have rabies symptoms if I get a text. 

If you need to reach me, I suggest carrier pigeons or smoke signals. 

However, I realized just how therapeutic writing is for me. I missed connecting on a blog so I am going to try to babystep back into using some technology at home.

Lately, as I thought of myself in my new adult role (as in, post-college/actively pursing career adulthood), I thought of the obsession we have with perfection.

Why do we try so hard to be something we are not?
Why do we seek acceptance with a facade?
What is wrong with loving what we have, who we are, what we look like?

Facebook posts make people sound like they have never known defeat in their life.
Instagram shows the world people are living like kings.
Blogs are carefully typed to portray one aspect of life that is generally positive.

If you are reading this, I want you to know you are awesome. You don't need to have all your sh*t together- you are a work in progress. You are worth being loved. Everything you read or see on social media is either a lie, or is skewed.

LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL TREE. #Dillardscomeatmebrah

My picture screams: Great decorating style, Christmas Enthusiast, an individual who is put together, skillz with the camera, artsy, probably has a perfect relationship (this part is actually true #GoMe), the list is endless.

When you zoom out of the same picture, the emotional connotations change. The picture now says:

messy, disorganized, clutter, attempt at interior design, probably runs to hide when people ring the doorbell.

The Tree did not change, but your perspective did. My tree is beautiful; but now you see that there are things I need to work on . Don't look at people's multiple filtered, instagramed lives and feel less than.

Remember that even the greatest sculptures began as misshapen balls of clay.


Sunday, August 24, 2014

Disneyland for Dogs

Jon heard the call of the Wild; I heard the sound of a creme soda opening.
Regardless of what we heard, we both knew it was time for a weekend mountain getaway.

I tried to tell the dogs that we were going to dog disneyland (aka: Big Lake, Arizona); but Bronx is a lumbering idiot and Kali only has word recognition for "fetch," "ball," and "goose." I tried to get her amped up by repeating the word "fetch" like 15 times, but she was soon disappointed as we drove past the dog park and on to the highway. She felt that I had somehow tricked her into a 3 and a half hour drive. Its not my fault your cerebral cortex is not as developed as mine, Kali.

Seriously, how precious is this?
Husbeast with the furbaby.

Pasta salad, a cold creme soda (aka: Nectar of the gods), Taylor Swift, and two Mutts. 
The only thing that would have made this trip better is if I won the lottery.

The scenery on the way up was absolutely beautiful. 
We left early in the morning as opposed to the evening so it was the first time I had actually seen the landscape.

Arizona, you're alright.

Of course it started to rain on the way up.
I, in my infinite wisdom, had NOT checked the weather report prior to packing. 
I just looked at the clouds and KNEW it was going to rain the ENTIRE time we were there.
and I only had one measly sweatjacket.

So we finally get to our campground in Camp Rainbow and its freezing. It was about 50 degrees and its still raining. Jon pulled out some serious husbeast moves to pitch this tent in the rain. Take a peek into that tent. That is a REAL PILLOWTOP MATTRESS, folks. You can keep that inflatable crap.


The next morning went a little like this:

Wake up. Photograph weird tree mushroom. Think of childhood cartoon FernGully.

Just kidding.
But that is one marvelous tree fungus.

Our campsite was secluded in the back with no one behind us so we went straight out into the unknown on a nature hike.

Let me tell you, plastic rain ponchos are the best things that have ever been invented.

We found this meadow and you could see where the elk had laid down the night before, which was totally awesome.

There was dew on the charred skeletons of trees that made the outskirts look jeweled in the early hour light.

Flowers were blooming and I felt like I had stepped into Narnia.
I was about ready to tell Jon that I was looking into a career change and decided that I would make an excellent forest nymph.


I would love to build a tiny house and live up in the mountains.
I'll follow in Henry David Thoreau's footsteps.

I told Jon that building a tinyhouse is a good idea and the dogs agree with me...
So technically, it's 3 against 1.

I seriously love how much Kali loves Jon.
It just makes me laugh.
Can you even handle the cuteness in this photo?

I am about to warn you.
I don't have a lot going on in my life;
so I am either going to drone on and on about office life, or my dogs.

Just be grateful it's the dogs.

I tried bank fishing for the first time.

This was my view from the office.

Look at how big Bronx is!
You can't even tell he is still a puppy.
He is the one on the right with the stupid ear.
We call it a lazy ear.

I think I am getting better at this whole photography thing.
I captured this pretty artsy leaf.
I'm a big fan of Aspen trees.

Pups went on their first voluntary swim.

Apparently, Jon hucking them into a stream doesn't count.

Jon is apparently a crawdad catching master.


 They are kind of terrifying. We caught almost 20 of these little lake lobsters.

I'm getting good at this camping thing.

After a lifetime of fishing, Jon finally caught his first rainbow trout bank fishing;
Mainly because bank fishing is kind of boring and Jon could never sit still long enough until he had a sedentary wife.

The views were so spectacular. It was unreal.

It was basically like I was in Ireland, except for the part where I wasn't.

Here is the best thing about camping at Big Lake, there is pluming.
As in, you get to use a REAL flush toilet and you have access to wash thine bad self.
You pay the hillbilly man 5 bucks and you get a decently warm shower.
Seriously though, the man was full blown hillbilly.
Until I met this man, I could only dream of what backwoods actually meant.

Look at how precious my dogs are.

Bronx is such a stud.

A 9 month old, shoe-eating, burly, man-dog, border collie mutt stud.

I don't really need shoes, anyway.

 Going to Big Lake is like participating in all things American, with Arizona pride.
When you go to Big Lake, you basically become a demigod.

.... or maybe just a fisherman.
It's pretty easy to get the two confused.

I'd like you all to know that I did catch a fish.
Check out my first rainbow trout.
I'd like to point out that I did catch him all by myself, from baiting my line, to casting, to reeling, to banking. 
There were minimal tantrums involved.

If Jon says otherwise, he is a dirty cheat and a scoundrel.


Monday, July 21, 2014

Fourth of July

Hey, hey Cyber peeps. 

I apologize you have not had much to creep on as of late. It makes this post super awkward. It's like I broke it off with you for seemingly no reason and am now trying to get you to like me again since I hear you've been reading other blogs. See the dog below? He is mine. We have a ton to catch up on. However, I know that most of you are like me and are therefore only here for the pictures. 

Your wish is my command. 
It's going to be a picture rave in here. 
BLACK AND WHITE. color. Sepia.
Brace yourselves for photo madness.

4th of July.
It's a day when us "lower middle class" (aka: America's paupers) find a reason to dress like we all are rooting for the same football team (because we all know its a pretty d*mn good one) and feast on mystery meat hotdogs while heralding our backwoods roots.

Since we cannot blow sh*t up, we compensate with artificial chemical reactions that facilitate a similar experience: The Firework.

This 4th of July we went down to Yuma, AZ to spend time with Jon's side of the family. 
We loaded up two giant, hairy dogs and away we went.

If you've never been to Yuma, I want you to turn your oven to 400 Degrees and stick your head in it; it's basically the same thing. 

The Husbeast and his kid sisters. 
Above: Desi
Below: Jon's female likeness Savannah

It was so hot that the heat chemically altered my dog's genetic makeup and she basically looked like a raving coyote. 

It was so hot that the pool was basically a hotub. I'm not even joking.
It's a good thing that babies are basically reptiles and don't regulate their body heat, so they didn't really mind. (note: I'm not sure if the aforementioned sentence is true.)

Kali is still not entirely sure how she feels about people puppies. 
In her defense, babies are absurdly terrifying potato creatures.

I just need to stop you for a minute. Look at these eyelashes, Maybelline ain't got nothing on you Sophia

She looks like her beautiful momma. Seriously, Michal. It's stupid. Go be flawless elsewhere.

Ashtyn is the most chill baby ever. Look at those calm eyes. 
She is basically telling you to get on her level.

 I was too busy partying to get much else done.
Here is a picture of the beautiful flag, The wind blew it kind of backwards, just pretend it looks right. 
The 4th of July post would not be American unless it had at least one flag photo.


PS. Stay tuned for the story of how my dog literally exploded. (not in the lethal way, just in the Taco Bell kind of way)

PPS. Did you notice that I totally didn't have a black and white picture???!?!?! #plottwist