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Thursday, July 4, 2013

The Waiting Game

I feel a lot like Bella in this picture. 

When I finished my last class at Arizona State University, I wept. I cried and cried to the point I think my husband was ready to leave me in a ditch somewhere. I'm not even joking, I turned into a mega B. This was so different from the reaction I thought I would have: which included the middle finger and maniacal laughing. I did not even know how to mentally or emotionally process the fact that I had come to the end of an era. I was no longer a doe-eyed babe in the world filled with endless possibilities, I was a woman who was already well on her way in the journey of life. AND IT TOTALLY SUCKED BECAUSE I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL I WAS DOING.

You see, I'm a planner. I have to have a written agenda with me to meticulously plan out every hour of my life or I turn into a wreck or the most supreme couch potato ever. However, my beautiful life plan had simply stopped after college. Well actually no, my college plan disintegrated with other aspects of my life and then I felt I was washed up and had no idea what I wanted with life anymore. So basically, my anal-retentive self no longer had a life plan- boo.

So here I am, in the throes of an emotional roller coaster.

I mean... I'M MARRIED, SO REALLY, GRADUATING COLLEGE SHOULDN'T REALLY BE THAT MUCH OF A WRENCH IN MY LIFE PLAN RIGHT? But here is the thing, Jon is my best friend, and I still do all the things I did when I was single, I just only do them with Jon instead of hordes of acquaintances. But this whole school thing.... we are thrown into the system just as we learn to speak and are grappling with our tactile learning, and we emerge just shy of two decades later. I can no longer use school as an excuse or a shield against the real world, but school is all I know.


So... I've applied several places hoping for something full time and "big girl" ish. Cross your fingers, ladies and gents- This big girl is playing the waiting game.

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