I'm a big fan of stories and symbolism and secret meanings. I think they add beauty and mystery to an otherwise mundane life. I'm sure many of you envisioned your lives going oh so very different than the current course you are on. Being an adult meant bills, jobs, strict schedules, tedious phone calls, and responsibility; I felt overwhelmed and frustrated that I could not find the magic in my reality. Of course, that was then and this is now.
Instead of painting the picture of Kylie as being a poor newlywed who struggles with tedious house chores, loves her Cat and was going to school full time; I'd rather tell you my fairy tale. I am a woman who has overcome depression, who strives for opportunity in education, and who finds the magic in everyday. For a long time I couldn't see the magic. I only saw never ending to-do lists. I got so caught up in accomplishing tasks I forgot to live.
I am Willow.
When Jon and I engage in pillowtalk at the end of our long days, I always come up with stupid names for the two of us. These little perfectly matched names reveal a deeper understanding of ourselves. They almost remind me of "soul" names. I read a giant amount of fantasy (can you see where my obsession with fairy tales came from?) and a common motif in that genre is the concept of true names. Another reason I began giving Jon and I names is because I have a poster which has all the names Christ was known as within the Bible. I began to wonder what I would have been called.
I would then lay in bed at night and think of categories such as trees, or verbs, or adjectives; and I would pick one, only one word in that category that would embody me perfectly. I am the Weeping Willow, the Longing, and The Magnificent, and many others. As silly as this little exercise is, I think it has been absolutely wonderful. It is a brain teaser, helps to explore words, and gets you acquainted with yourself which is nice at the end of a hard day when you can't seem to pull your identity out of your externalized objectives.
I feel that Willow perfectly embodies me. I suffered from debilitating, soul-crushing depression for a long time and Jon was always there for me (surprisingly, I wanted to run from myself so I can't believe he stayed). He use to call me his little Weeping Willow because I was such a bawl baby, which is SO EMBARRASSING that I am telling you this... Anyways, yes. Willow was perfect for me. The Weeping Willow is also just so forsakenly beautiful in a fairy tale kind of way. While the Aspen tree is my all time favorite, the Weeping Willow is what I would be, if I were a tree.
Jon of course, was the Ficus. Strong and beautiful in its imposing way. Jon built this incredible tree house in a Ficus tree his senior year of high school that you could fit 30 people in, complete with stadium seating. I grew up with a Ficus tree in my front yard and I would clamor over its limbs which were outstretched like motherly arms. This tree just seemed fitting with our mutual past. Additionally, the ficus is incredibly balanced in its trunk, with deep roots; Jon is incredibly grounded and loyal. He is my Ficus.
While the Willow captured the essence of my sad spirit in days past, I feel as though I still am the Weeping Willow. It is my soul name.